Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Our Biggest Hurdle - Answer to Question from Tomsrose



What was your biggest hurdle when you decided to change up the dynamic in your marriage?

I think it's a common one. Learning to let go of ‘what I thought it should be’ and submit to what Daddy wanted.

I started all of it in the bedroom, but to me it was all fun and games. I think I had sub-frenzy times a million because not only was I discovering my submissive side, I was discovering I actually enjoyed and wanted sex for the first time in my life. And I was beyond thrilled that I could finally give Daddy everything he’d ever wanted in our marriage.

When Daddy proposed it, I thought it would be easy. Daddy usually made a lot of the decisions outside of the bedroom throughout our marriage anyways so the only real change would be all that crazy sex we would be having. Ha Ha. How wrong I was.

I think it all overwhelmed Daddy at first. He was a new dom trying to find his confidence and deal with this over-eager wife of his and wanted to take things slow. And I got impatient and frustrated and attempted to control him into controlling me.

Things went downhill very fast. Daddy lost confidence and pulled away. I felt rejected and pulled away. I was so humiliated and embarrassed and just wanted to go back to how we were before all of this.

Daddy decided we needed to take a step back. He wanted some time to research, learn, understand, and find the confidence to do this right. The step back was good for me too it gave me time to calm down from all those ‘frenzied’ feelings’.

During our break, Daddy found a series of books he really liked. He said it helped him understand the ‘submissive mindset’ more. I’m not sure what they said exactly because I’ve never been allowed to read them, but they definitely must’ve helped because when Daddy finally decided we were ready things went very differently.

This time he made it very clear that he was in control and we were moving at his pace. He implemented rules and rituals (some I didn’t like too much). He also started giving me assignments. These initial assignments led to us sharing daily e-mails at least twice the size of this blog post. I used to think we had pretty good communication, but it was crazy—like a floodgate had opened or something.

When Daddy first proposed TTWD, I thought it meant he wanted sex all the time. That he wanted me to make breakfast and serve his coffee and let him make the decisions. It seemed so easy. But what he really wanted was me – all of me. He wanted in so he could pull out those parts of me I held back, so he could break down those walls I’ve built, so he could heal the broken parts.

Getting to that point wasn’t easy. The way we crashed and burned the first time trying to add the dynamic scared me. I had a lot of doubts and concerns as to whether Daddy really wanted this. But when we finally got there and I finally let go, it was worth it.

When Daddy and I first started dating, I liked him a lot. And eventually I loved him. He was there for me during a hard time, he spoke my love language, he made me laugh, and he got me in a way nobody ever did.  He’s been my best friend, a great father, and we’ve survived some pretty tough times.

But I’ve never felt the ‘butterflies’. Not with him, not with anybody. I thought they were some myth reserved for teenagers and romance novels. But when I finally learned to let go, I fell in love – like really, truly deeply in love -- for the first time in my life. I felt the butterflies.

Not to say we haven’t had hurdles since. Sometimes Daddy loses his confidence and sometimes I struggle to ‘let go’. When it happens at the same time, it’s like a perfect storm for us and usually results in some pretty big fights. We’ve stumbled and gotten a little lost at times. But ever since overcoming that first hurdle, I’ve had no doubt this is what we both need and that it’s worth fighting for.  

Thank you Tomsrose for the great question.

14 comments:

  1. oh, this is a lovely post!

    and it prompts me, ever curious, to ask what are the rituals he's instigated that you don't like, and what ones do you like?

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    1. Thanks mc kitten. And thanks for the question! Eeeek...a little nervous to answer that one (well the rules I don't like), lol, but I will very soon!

      Thanks for stopping by!

      hugs,
      aurora

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  2. I am hoping to find out the name of the series of books. Would he allow you to know that and post it here?

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    1. In case you missed it, Daddy answered it below under Tomsrose's comment.

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  3. Wow Aurora. I can relate to some of your story. Captain (PSA - Tom is now Captain) and I were best friends for years and I slowly fell in love with him, It never was this mad passionate thing. I don't want to write too much because our story is one of the questions I'm working on answering. But I've had a lot of walls. We're still in the very beginning of this, so many of mine are still needing to be bulldozed, but I know that we will get there. Also, the series that your Daddy read, was it the Devil in the Details one that you told me about a long time ago? Captain is planning on reading that series some point soon. I'm kind of nervous, terrified, and excited for him to read it...lol!

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    1. Hi, Tom's Rose. Do you have a link to that series? I can also look it up, but just in case it's not easily available....

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    2. Devils in the Details by LT Morrison. He is what I consider to be pretty hardcore but I think any Dom can take something from his books. There are 3 in the series. Hope that helps!

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    3. Thanks Tomsrose,

      Oooh I can't wait to hear your story. I look forward to reading it! And yes it was that series. And gosh, I still have so many walls myself. But it really does feel so good everytime he gets through one!

      hugs,
      aurora

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  4. "It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be worth it!"
    unknown.

    .... 'nuff said. ;)

    (((hugs)))

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  5. Hi Aurora, this is a great and lovely post. I can identify with this. Thinking it seemed easy. Ha .. if only we knew right? lol. Also trying to control the 'control'. I think that is something many of us struggle with initially. Especially if you are the one to bring the dynamic to your husband.

    I love your second to last paragraph :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz!

      I feel guilty about that second to last paragraph because he felt the butterflies since day one. But it's really incredible to feel this way now and that's really all that matters.

      hugs,
      aurora

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