Answer To DelFonte's Question

DelFonte at A Place of Fancies (can I just say how much I love that blog name) asked:

How has your dynamic survived over this difficult period, has it strengthened you two or been pushed to one side?

I can’t remember the last time I sat at his feet or got to give him a blow job. Sex is not too frequent and super bland vanilla. 

But we’re still very much D/s or M/s or DD/lg or whatever you want to call it.

He’s still making the decisions. From the doctor’s appointments to limits on what I can do to what time I go to bed at night, he still makes all the decisions.  

Not that it’s been easy.  I need the service aspect of TTWD because it makes me happy to please him and feeds my submissive side. I need the spanking because it clears my head of all my crazy overthinking and emotions. So without these things, letting go has been harder for me and I have been extremely emotional (I often tell Daddy it’s like a tornado of thoughts and worries building in my head and right now I’m at about an EF-4).  

This doesn’t make it easy on Daddy, who is stressed out as it is. And we’ve had some really tough moments. But he’s held onto the control (if only sometimes by a thread) and he’s managed to stay in charge. Because of all my restrictions, he’s had to get creative – taking away my phone (which has been my lifeline lately) has been a really popular threat these days.

Daddy tells me often to trust him. To trust that with the power I gave him, he’s going to protect me and take care of me and it’s all going to be okay. And he was right.

 I’ve been through this surgery before – many years ago before TTWD. The doctor asked me at my appointment this week if this surgery was better than the last time and I have to say that “Yes, I think it was.” I remember it as a more painful, lonely, and a much longer time to recover. This time was different.  I think that’s because every step of the way, Daddy had my hand and never let go.

Getting through this period has taught us lots of things. It’s taught me about patient and trust (I can’t say it was always a smooth lesson—but still a lesson). It’s taught Daddy to hang on tight to that control even when I’m fighting him on it. 

And yes it’s made us stronger by realizing we can get through it without giving up our roles. There was a rough time last fall when I asked him for a break because his new job was affecting his time for our dynamic. He said no and I ended up being really thankful that he did. I think I’m learning for us that the times that life gets in the way are the times we need this dynamic the most.

Thanks so much for the question DelFonte!