Friday, July 25, 2014

For Better or Worse

I’m sorry that it’s been so long I’ve posted here. I can’t believe that we’re halfway through summer and that July is nearly over.

I wish I had lots of amazing things to write about, but there’s not a lot to say, and I really don't want to go on and on here about all the health stuff. I saw a doctor last month, started a new medication, and then started another new medication after the first one didn’t go so well. My fibro is in overdrive – my doctor thinks it will get better once the disease goes into remission but it will take a few months for the meds to kick in. Unfortunately for now this means I’m very tired, achey, and forgetful these days.

This month brought some new challenges. Phillip was recently diagnosed with diabetes. He knew it was coming – it’s rampant in the men in his family. His father, grandfathers, uncles. He just hoped that not being overweight and drinking excessively would help keep it at bay for another decade or two. Unfortunately it didn’t and the past few weeks have been overwhelming trying to learn everything about it and get his sugars back in control.

Phillip, who is a bit of a control freak, has been doing absolutely amazing at monitoring his blood sugars and diet and medication to bring it back to normal. It’s me that’s been the overwhelmed mess. I feel like I should do more. New foods…better recipes…whatever it takes to make this easier for him. To make him happy. But there’s just so much and I feel like it’s a struggle to keep up—especially on days where either the meds or the fibro are kicking my butt. Phillip keeps telling me to stop putting all this pressure on myself, but I guess I’m not very good at submitting these days because I still end up worrying that I’m completely failing him.

Thanks to all the health crap this year, there’s been a huge deficit in the kink in our lives. And lately there hasn’t even been much sex. There’s a gazillion medical explanations as to why and I know it’s only temporary, but I’m often I’m afraid I will lose interest and slip back into that frigid girl I was before we began TTWD. Phillip says he won't let that happen, but once again I'm not very good at listening these days.

But despite feeling like crap and worrying way too much, I do have a few things to be grateful for. It was two years ago this month that we began this TTWD journey and it was fifteen years ago last week, that Phillip and I stood in front of our friends and family and committed our lives to each other.  

So to Phillip…Happy Anniversary! I know we started out young and with a baby and all the odds against us, but I can honestly say that here I am a decade and a half later more in love with you than I have ever been. Thanks for being an amazing husband, best friend, and the love of my life…and, of course, my Daddy. Thanks for keeping your promises and always being there and never giving up on me. Love you always and looking forward to brighter healthier days!