Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Blogging Fears - Answer to Question from His Slut

So I’m going on the third day of no Daddy and I think everybody’s falling apart today. I’m functioning on very little sleep because it’s hard to sleep without him and my youngest had a huge meltdown this morning and my oldest has developed a bratty attitude and I’m feeling like the worst mom in the world. And I love my mom (I really do), but she’s driving me crazy.

Most of all I just really miss Daddy. He keeps me centered and balanced and calm and patient and safe. Right now I’m none of those things. I’m an emotional grumpy mess today. I really don’t know how those who do this long distance thing on a more regular or longer basis do it. You are far stronger than I am.

So to distract myself and hopefully improve my mood before I talk to Daddy today, I thought I’d answer another question.

This one comes from His slut: You state it's been hard to comment and blog. Are you afraid of Daddy reading it or afraid of the "judgement" that you feel would happen? 

Well to be honest, I’m actually afraid of both. When the topic of blogging came up, Daddy’s exact words were that, “I was going to do this right. No holding back.” I’ve been hiding my feelings all my life and it was really important to him that I not do that here. He wants me to ‘be real’ and not edit my words or opinions out of a fear of offending others. He set up the blog and holds all the ‘admin’ rights. The only thing I can do on here is post and comment because that’s all he wants me to worry about. Just writing what comes to mind.

It’s not always easy though because I do still have that nagging worry of judgment in the back of my head. And despite Daddy insisting on controlling the comments here, I don’t think it’s those who want to anonymously judge these relationships as ‘sick’ or ‘abusive’ that concern me. It’s the bloggers that I have been quietly following (such as yourself HS). The ones whose posts have inspired me and touched me. The ones whose opinions I have come to deeply respect. Because I value them so much, the idea of offending them or being judged by them scares the crap of me. Now I have to say that so far this has been an imaginary fear (believe me I have lots of crazy and imaginary fears). Everyone in blog land has been nothing but kind and accepting. But I won’t lie, although I think I’m getting better, the fear is still there.

And yes, I get afraid of Daddy reading it too. More than anybody else reading it because his opinion does matter the most. But my fear with him is not so much what I’m writing as how I’m writing it. I know some people start blogs as a way of communicating with their Dominant or as a way of working out their feelings or as a way to help others. But my blog isn’t one of those.The purpose of my blogging and commenting is a way for me to reach out and interact with others and also for me to learn to ‘let go’ and get over my fear of judgment. Because of that, there’s not really anything I post that Daddy doesn’t already know. He just wants to see me being myself in my posts and my comments.

Thanks for the great question HS! If anyone else has any more questions, feel free to ask. I could more distractions.

8 comments:

  1. I'm very happy with how you blog! You have been honest and you have been yourself. Both things that I wanted as you and I started this. I'm proud of you!

    Ps. You need to get rid of that grumpy attitude little lady! Love you!

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    1. The attitude is MUCH better today thanks to you!!! Love you and miss you and can't wait to talk to you!!!!!

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  2. Oh my goodness! In my thoughts on a question for you, I just remembered that before you left for a while I asked if I could borrow your "What If..." post idea as a gift to my Man. I did it- he LOVED it. I am not sure he will allow me to share it here but I wanted you to know that it was amazing for us both.

    Ok, On to questions for distraction!
    #1. What is one of your favorite posts on your blog here and why?
    #2. Your ideal night alone with Phillip...are you tied up or left loose? Combo perhaps =)
    #3. One bit of advice you would give to other loving submissive wives?

    XOXO Pearl

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    1. Awww...glad to hear he loved it Pearl!!! And thanks so much for the questions!!! I'll answer them tomorrow.

      hugs,
      aurora

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  3. It is really hard, isn't it. To expose yourself, your mind, your thoughts, even here where, nobody really "knows" you. But there is freedom as well. I find blogging to be very liberating. I am a horrible writer, I usually just end up letting the words fall out of my head, and not necessarily in a cohesive manner. I hate going back & reading what I wrote because then I tend to overthink things and change what I meant to say in the first place. I always think that others will think that I am just babbling on & on & making no sense at all. But nope, people here are always really supportive.

    I am glad that you are here & glad that you have found your voice. And it's okay for the fear to still be there, it probably always will be, but you know now that you can rise above that fear & still say what you want to say. That's pretty amazing in my opinion!

    (((hugs)))

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    1. Yes, it is hard. Harder to blog here than anywhere because it's so real. And you are not a horrible writer!!! I love reading your blog!

      Thanks GK!

      hugs,
      aurora

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  4. Hi Aurora, I'm sorry you are having a tough day. Hang in there! I hope the rest of the week passes quickly for you. Love the comment from your Daddy :)

    I can relate to the fear of judgement, but I have found this community to be accepting, non-judgmental and supportive. I have made some amazing friendships and connections here.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz! Yes everyone is very accepting here. More so than in any other community I've ever encountered, I think.

      And from the bottom of my heart, thank you for your support!!

      hugs,
      aurora

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