Friday, March 21, 2014

Enough is Enough



So yesterday I got in some pretty big trouble.

I went to my regular doctor on Monday for something I considered rather little. It was a follow up appointment over a symptom I had put off until after my surgery. Something unrelated to the surgery.
My regular doctor wanted to send me to a specialist. Still not worried. Not until I found out they were considering it ‘urgent’ and asked if I could go in yesterday afternoon.

There was barely enough time to text Daddy and get out the door to make it in time. But we did. And yesterday I found myself in a doctor’s office, half-naked with my mom and two nurses and the doctor and desperately wishing Daddy could be there. The doctor told us what she thought it could be – a rare autoimmune disease. It could be the cause of why I had to have that surgery last month. But I won’t know for a week and she’ll be calling me with the results. She also told me not to go looking it up on the internet and wait for her instructions.

I called Daddy after the appointment and relayed all the news and he ORDERED me to stay off the internet.

So what did I do?

Well…with a doctor telling me not to go looking and Daddy over a thousand miles away and my morbid curiousity getting the best of me.

Well, I googled it. And I read lots of scary things about it being rare and serious and fatal. And that up until about fifty years ago, 99 percent of people that got it died within a few years. And yeah, it all freaked me out. The internet is a scary place.

Daddy was NOT happy. He was very angry and once he was done letting me know that, he hung up. And I locked myself away in our master bathroom bawling my eyes out when I realized that my biggest fears weren’t having this disease or dying from this disease.

My biggest fears are Daddy saying “Enough is enough.” That I had gone too far by deliberately disobeying him. Or that he can’t deal with yet another ‘medical problem’ of mine.

Daddy didn’t say either of these things and we did talk last night and although he says I’m gonna ‘get straightened out when he gets home’, he did forgive me for not doing as I was told. And I’m so thrilled that late tonight I’m finally going to be safe and secure in his arms again after this super long week.

But I still can’t stop this nagging fear today. I'm starting to think that maybe we've been so happy over the past two years...that maybe people don't deserve to be this happy. We’re barely through this last ‘health’ storm and in a week we could be starting another one. I mean, seriously, when is enough enough?

18 comments:

  1. Oh honey! I'm so sorry that you're going through this again, but am glad that your Daddy will be home tonight. I'm sure that being in his arms will alleviate your fears. Use his strength.

    No matter what the internet says, they aren't God and they can't decide how you or your body reacts IF you are diagnosed with this disease. You are obviously a fighter. Praying for good news from the doctors.

    hugs
    p

    PS You know where to find me if you need to talk

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    1. Thanks P! You are very right. Still a big 'If' and there are a lot of hopeful things in my case (catching it early would be the top of the list).

      hugs,
      aurora

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  2. Oh no! Stay off the internet it isn't easy trust me I work in health care I'm pretty sure I've had cancer a few times brain rumors ect.. Hang in there , if you need help with the medical lingo I can help you ...,:)

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    1. Lol. I think I've diagnosed a few brain tumors myself.

      Thanks!!!

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  3. Enough is never enough when it comes to the health of a loved one. My Musicman has more than one serious health issue, it has never occurred to me to say enough is enough. Instead, I do what I can to help him manage the issues. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.

    Good luck, much love and light to you as you embark on this next journey :)

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    1. Thank you so much! It's so nice to hear that from your side.

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  4. I will never say enough is enough. You are mine forever and we will roll with the punches!

    I love you! Can't wait to see you!

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  5. So sorry to read about all your uncertainties and worries. The internet is such a temptation in these circumstances but also dangerous. When i worried about something once, i got my mum to do the searching and she came back with a filtered version of her findings. Probably made her worry, but left me unscathed. Turned out to be ok.
    Lots of hugs and good wishes.
    DF

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    1. Thanks DF! Having someone filter it is a much better idea.

      hugs,
      aurora

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  6. Rubbish! There's no such thing as people don't deserve to be happy. NO SUCH THING! and everyone deserves happiness. Now try and be positive and don't go scaring yourself or any such thing!

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  7. Sending many hugs and prayers. Let Daddy fight this for you!!!

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  8. oh dear ((((Hugs)))))
    it's SO hard not to go googling, isn't it? The internet once convinced me I had ovarian cancer, when in fact - thankfully - I was pregnant!

    Hope your Daddy gets home soon xxx

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    1. Thanks mc kitten. Darn that internet....but yay for having a good outcome!!!

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  9. I'm sorry I am late getting to this Aurora. I'm so sorry you are facing another health issue and am so glad your Daddy is now back with you. Sending lots of love, positive thoughts and prayers your way. I agree with Fondles too ... everyone deserves happiness.

    (((Hugs)))
    Roz

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  10. Aurora,
    YOU know enough will never be enough. When you have love like you do- that is not an option. Phillip has committed to love and care for you just as you have committed to love and care for Him. You both TRUST each other to hold up your end of that deal. You won't allow the other to fail. Each of your roles are vital. That doesn't mean it's easy, it just means you won't give up. I am so happy for you that He is home!!
    XOXO

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