This past week I had Aurora focus on expectations...actually on not having expectations. As I've mentioned before, Aurora is a thinker. Her brain is going non-stop. She thinks and analyzes and researches and thinks some more. This is a trait that I love about her. It is the reason that she is so creative. However, at times this trait can cause issues. She tends to think so much that she begins to play out scenarios in her head that lead to expectations. Sometimes a fantasy of hers will turn into an expectation that it will happen on a given day or sometimes she will expect a letter or email. And while she often gets these things...it needs to be my decision on when to give them.
One of my rules for Aurora is that she have no expectations. Expectations are not fair to me because often times I am not aware of them. They take the control away from me and give the control to her. And of course, expectations often lead to disappointment. And so we have worked and focused on having no expectations this week and I must say that Aurora has done very well.
So as we have progressed through this week, it has made me realize how closely expectations, insecurities and consistency are intertwined. I contend that Aurora's insecurities sometimes cause her to have expectations and Aurora respectfully contends that it is the other way around. I imagine that they probably feed off of each other at times. For example, if one is insecure about not getting enough attention, it could very well lead to one believing that this much needed attention is right around the corner...thereby expecting it. On the other hand, if one is expecting attention and does not receive it, they become insecure.
Then you have consistency. Consistency is good. It makes Aurora feel safe. However, consistency must be balanced as well. Consistency can lead to expectations at times. If I send Aurora an email or write her a letter for 5 days in a row...then she will expect it on the 6th day as well, as would any normal person. So by being consistent, sometimes I am creating these expectations.
So this is why I believe that being a Daddy is a balancing act. She needs consistency to drown out the insecurities. I need no expectations. Too much consistency can create expectations and create insecurities.
But this is what I love about my role. Diving into Aurora's head. Figuring out what makes her tick and taking that knowledge to make her the best she can be. It's a never ending puzzle. This puzzle that is Aurora...that is what makes me tick.