Sunday, December 1, 2013

Balancing Act

This past week I had Aurora focus on expectations...actually on not having expectations.  As I've mentioned before, Aurora is a thinker.  Her brain is going non-stop.  She thinks and analyzes and researches and thinks some more.  This is a trait that I love about her.  It is the reason that she is so creative.  However, at times this trait can cause issues.  She tends to think so much that she begins to play out scenarios in her head that lead to expectations.  Sometimes a fantasy of hers will turn into an expectation that it will happen on a given day or sometimes she will expect a letter or email.  And while she often gets these things...it needs to be my decision on when to give them.

One of my rules for Aurora is that she have no expectations.  Expectations are not fair to me because often times I am not aware of them.  They take the control away from me and give the control to her.  And of course, expectations often lead to disappointment.  And so we have worked and focused on having no expectations this week and I must say that Aurora has done very well.

So as we have progressed through this week, it has made me realize how closely expectations, insecurities and consistency are intertwined.  I contend that Aurora's insecurities sometimes cause her to have expectations and Aurora respectfully contends that it is the other way around.  I imagine that they probably feed off of each other at times.  For example, if one is insecure about not getting enough attention, it could very well lead to one believing that this much needed attention is right around the corner...thereby expecting it.  On the other hand, if one is expecting attention and does not receive it, they become insecure.

Then you have consistency.  Consistency is good.  It makes Aurora feel safe.  However, consistency must be balanced as well.  Consistency can lead to expectations at times.  If I send Aurora an email or write her a letter for 5 days in a row...then she will expect it on the 6th day as well, as would any normal person. So by being consistent, sometimes I am creating these expectations. 

So this is why I believe that being a Daddy is a balancing act.  She needs consistency to drown out the insecurities.  I need no expectations.  Too much consistency can create expectations and create insecurities. 

But this is what I love about my role.  Diving into Aurora's head.  Figuring out what makes her tick and taking that knowledge to make her the best she can be.  It's a never ending puzzle.  This puzzle that is Aurora...that is what makes me tick.

10 comments:

  1. Very insightful Philip. I love hearing your perspective on your relationship and am glad you are writing. Lots of food for thought here...

    p

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  2. Wow! Great post!!!!

    You have really given me something to think about ... expectation, insecurities, consistency, all playing off one another?

    Who knew?!?!?!

    O.o

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    1. Thank you! Glad to give you something to think about!

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  3. Hi Phillip
    There is something to be said for having fewer expectations in life - for one thing, it might mean less disappointment, but I think it also means great delight when something desired happens unexpectedly - like receiving attention.
    great post.

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    1. I agree! Desiring something is quite different than expecting something. I would never try to stop desire! Thanks for your kind words!

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  4. Consistency and expectations...what a great point. I've always disliked the use of consistency (as a way to criticize a disciplinarian in a relationship), but I've had to use complicated words to explain it. Thank you for saying it in such a simple, easy to understand way. I'll have to remember this.

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    1. Thank you so much! Thanks for reading!

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  5. Hi Phillip, I agree with the others. This is a great insightful post and has certainly given me much food for thought. All these components playing off and feeding each other. Never really thought about it that way before.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thank you! That is the key...how they really do play off of each other!

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