Friday, December 13, 2013

Orgasm Denial

So in an effort to kick the 'little' out of my head today and talk about one of my favorite kinks or fetishes or whatever they're called, I'm calling Daddy 'D' on the blog today.

So the other day in writer's group (which sometimes feels like 'band camp') they got to talking about the most orgasms they've ever had. Once I admitted to having 20 once when everyone else was coming in around 3, I began to feel very freakish.

They all wanted my problem. So feeling slightly bad, I poured out way more TMI than I usually do with them. I admitted that I don't know why, but orgasming has always been abnormally super easy for me. But it's definitely a quality thing, not a quantity thing. They drop off in intensity after about 3 anyways so they're not missing anything.

What I didn't admit that was the time I had 20, it was part of a punishment for deliberately having one I wasn't supposed to have. Yeah, thought I better stop there.

I know lots of D/s relationships have orgasm control and we're no different, but early on 'D' discovered that denial has very positive effects on my submissiveness. So he's been doing over the past year on a semi-long term basis. I'm saying 'semi' because I know lots of subs have gone months and months, but the most D's denied me so far is 2 months.

I have a love/hate relationship with orgasm denial.

Hate it -- well for the obvious reasons. Plus D doesn't just say 'oh, no coming for you tonight' or anything simple like that. He does the tease & denial thing where he uses his fingers or tongue or whatever little torturous toy he can find to edge me over and over until all I can think about is that orgasm I'm not having. And sometimes when I reach that point where I just know I'm gonna explode with this burning need, he'll get this deliciously evil look in his eyes, climb on top, and make me watch as he takes what he's forbidden me. He'll do this day after day, week after week, until he's determined that I've had enough (which usually has been after 1-2 months). Then a night of release and it starts all over again.

It's cruel and frustrating, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it.

Maybe I'm wired wrong or was dropped on the head as a baby, but after an orgasm my sex drive drops about 100,000 feet. This is a bad thing, because usually when it drops like that, my insecurities and feelings of shame creep back in. I start building walls between us. I get bratty and emotional and very unsubmissive. D has been working on this by being 'super dom' in the days after he does let me have an O and that has been helping.

The love part comes during the actual denial though. Somewhere between the very edge of my frustration and possibly considering using my safeword, a switch flips in my brain. It's like I let go and fall into him. Suddenly the sex, this D/s, us...none of it is about the end result. It's about him -- pleasing him, loving him, existing for him. That's all that matters. I find that freedom I need to let go and be 'his greedy little slut'. Even outside of the bedroom,  he can touch me -- even just our skin brushing as he walks by me in the kitchen or hugs me when he gets home from work and it sends little tingly shivers shooting through me. It's like always living in the anticipation.

Sure yeah, orgasms are incredibly amazing (especially after going two months), and I'd hardly want to give them up. D's not too forthcoming about how long I have to wait between them although sometimes he's joked about a year (and although I know subs have done that I seriously hope I won't be joining them).

It's been four weeks since my last one though, so I asked him the other day if I'd get one before the year was over. Part of me was really hoping he'd say 'yes'. And another part of me was longing for a 'no'.

His answer....maybe.


  1. once I was too count - 22. I blogged it. After awhile, like you,, it feels the same. Also after so many, I have the same issue afterwards. That drop - subdrop. I think why last week I didn't have one. Everyday His dominance was there due to my hourly tasks. It Leroy me grounded. Today, now that I've dropped from the release two days ago I'm dropping-fast.

    you are not weird, not dropped on your head. it's all about how we associate orgasm and emotions, etc.

    1. I'm so glad I'm not alone on this. Yeah, subdrop -- that's definitely what it feels like after having one. And yeah, I also feel super connected to him during the denial.

      I can imagine how fast you're dropping after the week you had.

      Thanks HS!

    2. If you are only getting them intensively after having that you're off orgasm after denial, definitely a drop. I get them when we have had an intense session where I came a lot. It sucks!! I usually can catch it, but I think from what happened this week I'm going to have to just ride it out.

    3. Yeah, I never have just one when I get to have them -- always a multiple event. Lol. He's been keeping me on a short leash the day after to help with the feelings though and that seems to be working.
      Hope things are looking up for you again -- I hate that drop.

  2. Yowzers! 2 months! You're definitely got what some might call 'fortitude'.

    This post is very interesting. However, my wife and I are in a totally different boat, as we're always trying to figure out how to make orgasms happen more easily and often, as it's a struggle for her.

    Either way - I hope you get what you want! Whatever that is - denied or not denied! ;-)

    1. I don't know about fortitude....It actually wasn't that bad once I let go and trusted him -- kind of like 2 months of foreplay although it sure did get frustrating at times.

      I know lots of women struggle -- even though I didn't struggle having them, I struggled having them with Him before we started TTWD. I think my head 'couldn't get there' without his dominance.

      And thanks -- I'm such an indecisive person - so glad it's not up to me!

  3. Good post Aurora. It's not something I have ever had to deal with. I never really had orgasms before I started in this lifestyle. I kind of think it was all in my head, I never really wanted to give up control to anybody???? Anyway, FormerD not only "taught me" how to orgasm (on command even) but told me he thought I was a "squirter" and sure enough ... Weird. So he did talk about orgasm denial, the fact was that he had more "fun" giving me forced orgasms instead. I never had to count but the last time, I had to safe word because it was all too much!!! - I know - poor me right? My Batman, too, never denied me orgasms ... I think he liked my creative, auto-correct filled, emails begging for permission too much, to deny me. I have been lucky ... so far.

    1. Oh no...not poor you. Those 'forced ones' can't get rough--I cried through my punishment ones (and not good cry). And lol -- I'm imagining what the auto-correct would do if I had to beg for one through text. With my Daddy, he'd probably just use it to drag out the torment even more...

  4. two months? wow!
    I LOVE orgasm denial, we generally do it when I have my period. The longest I've ever gone (being specifically denied and also teased) is seven days I think, it's usually three to five days. Sometimes it's easy until the last few days, sometimes (like the period I'm just finishing) it took a day and WHAM I was in that wall climbing, can barely focus to drive safely space after a day - and he'd barely touched me!

    I usually orgasm reasonably easily, but sometimes - particularly just after the ovulation point - of my cycle, it becomes more difficult and the orgasms become a bit flat too. Orgasm denial makes it all perk up for me!

    I do conk out and want to sleep after an orgasm but it doesn't diminish my sex drive at all. If anything, it makes me more desperate the next day - which is, naturally, a blessing and a curse...

    1. If he doesn't push me past that 'switch' in my brain when he does the T&D thing, then I climb the walls too and wouldn't make it 2 months. Fortunately or unfortunately he seems to have it down to a science.
      My cycle plays havoc on me too -- like the T&D is much easier to handle in the second half than the first. Sadly orgasms at any point seem to bring on the 'icky feelings' and kill the sex drive. Drat.
      Lucky you. I wish it didn't mess up my sex drive so much. I'd be getting more orgasms that way. And I'm already desperate the next day so used to