Wednesday, September 18, 2013

How It Began Part Two

If I had known then what I know now, I may have never sent Phillip that e-mail.  I may have realized the risks—that I was revealing a deep part of myself he might not accept.

He could reject me. Tell me I was abnormal. Or weird. Or crazy.
So many risks.

But I didn’t realize that when I hit send. I was nervous—pounding heart, churning stomach--, but I never really thought things through about how he would react.
I just hit send.

And lucky for me he didn’t freak out. He didn’t call me crazy.
No, he came home early from work that night and made some of those fantasies I had written about in the e-mail come true.

Over the next few days, weeks, and months, our entire relationship shifted. Sex finally came to the forefront. We explored new things together and grew in ways I never thought possible. We played lots of ‘D/s games’…we had a special bracelet I wore when feeling submissive, we had special rules, special nights of the week. We even had an entire day of D/s when the kids were gone. It was all just ‘bedroom stuff’, but it was good and we were happy.
And then came his e-mail.

Unbeknownst to me, Philip had been doing some reading and research of his own. And about six months after I sent my e-mail, he sent one proposing a 24/7 power exchange. I didn’t hesitate to agree.
In the beginning I was anxious and wanted to jump in. He wanted a slower pace. This led to some early bumps, but once I learned to let go and follow, things got easier. The road hasn’t always been perfectly smooth—we’ve had our growing pains. We’ve had some pretty big fights—and even a few times where we’ve had to step back from things.

When he brought up the power exchange, I didn’t think it would be a big shift to our relationship. He’d always been the ‘one to where the pants’ anyways. But I was wrong.
TTWD has changed EVERYTHING in our relationship. What I once thought was a happy marriage pales in comparison to how we are now. I’ve never felt this close to anyone, this in safe with someone, this in love with someone.  Even our dating days. Or our wedding day.

I don’t know exactly what we are. DD, Taken In Hand, M/s, D/s. We’re a little bit of all of it, I think. And a few months ago, he even became Daddy. Not as an age thing, but because it fits. He’s everything these days. My protector, my friend, my shoulder to cry on, my guide, my support, my safe place to fall.
Maybe we’re just us, making our own little place under the TTWD umbrella and waking wake up every day thankful that I sent that e-mail.

And that this---whatever it is---began.

11 comments:

  1. My relationship with my Daddy is very similarly categorized. We are D/s, D/lg, M/s, DD...a bit of everything.

    I love that it was you to proposed a bedroom D/s dynamic, but he who wanted TPE. It's amazing to me how much ttwd has changed our lives. What we once thought of as a good marriage, is a shamble when compared to what we have now.

    hugs
    p

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    1. Yes! Exactly.

      Before all this I thought we had a happy stable marriage. But now we're more in love than when we were newlyweds. It is amazing.

      -aurora :)

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  2. Hi aurora,

    Just wanted to swing by and welcome you -- TTWD can be very isolating and it's nice when find others to share the little bits about our lives we aren't supposed to talk about.

    Omega (Master/Owner/husband) and mouse have been in the "lifestyle" many years. And even tho we have, mouse is still learning.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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    1. mouse,

      I think yours was one of the first blogs I found when I came to blogland. I lurked for a long time -- it was very comforting to read so many posts I could identify with. Like I was a little less alone in the world. So thank you so much for that!

      Thank you so much for stopping by!

      hugs,
      aurora

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  3. Welcome to Blogland! I so enjoyed reading the start you two had. I'm glad you were able to find your place in the "bedroom" part of marriage. To have a sexless marriage would be tragic. :)
    And I love how He had done some research and emailed you. Sounds like you are perfect for each other.

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    1. Hi Sarah,

      Thanks for stopping by. And yes, it would've been very tragic. It's hard for me to remember being that person anymore.

      Nice to meet you.

      hugs,

      aurora

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  4. I think this is an awesome story! I look forward to following your blog. You've already been such an encouragement to me. Thank you so much!

    hugs,

    rose

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Rose! I'm glad you came by. I am so excited things are moving along for you.

      hugs,

      aurora

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  5. What a wonderful look into how you've gotten to where you are. Thank you for sharing. I'm so happy to have found your blog! Welcome to blogland!

    hugs,
    fiona

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    1. Hi Fiona,

      It's nice to meet you. Thanks for stopping by!

      hugs,

      aurora

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  6. I had goosebumps reading your story. Even now I feel on the verge of crying. There is so much emotion packed into this. I think it's because of how strongly I can relate from when we started our own journey into this 5 years ago. Wow, you are right about how it changes EVERYTHING & that even those who enthusiastically enter into these dynamics have bumps along the way. All of that is what makes this so special though. With each bump comes growth and an extra level of closeness. It is amazing how choosing to be our authentic selves opens this well of blessings that bubble over into the most unexpected places. It's not for the faint hearted. It takes grit to follow through on a path like this, but the blessings far outweigh the obstacles any day of the week.

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