Today's an anniversary of sorts. Not really one people celebrate, but I'm sort of celebrating it anyways.
November 22, 1993 was the beginning of the only other significant relationship I've had in my life besides Daddy.
I'm not really sure I should be calling it significant. It was short-lived and began for all the wrong reasons. I went out with him to get back at a friend -- it was very juvenile and stupid and full of drama. It was doomed from the start.
He was out of my life within two years. And if you add up all the time I was together with this guy (there was a lot of on and off periods), we were together for barely a year. I'm closing in on 40 now -- one year is nothing. Nothing.
Our relationship was intense though. In some ways I feel like that I lived twenty years in just that one year. He filled up a lot of my 'firsts'. I turned my back on friends and family to be with him. And it ended badly. Very badly. Because of this, I think it took me years to fully let go of him. Years in which I was with Daddy...married to Daddy.
It wasn't just the fallout that hurt Daddy. Daddy walked into my life in the midst of that 'intense year'. He ended up being one of those 'friends' I turned my back on. I broke his heart, his trust, and played horrible games with the love he gave me.
I know I'm very lucky he game me a second chance (actually he'd probably say it was a third). Extremely lucky that he waited for me to get my head on straight. Blessed that he's stayed beside with me in the years since as my protector, my best friend, my everything.
This summer we had the opportunity to really talk about that time of our life. There were mistakes Daddy made as well and it was a chance for us to be completely honest, to forgive, to let go. I spent a lot of time regretting, but Daddy spent even more time pointing out that although it would be nice to change things, changing one thing could risk changing everything. There are so many ways that relationship not only brought me to Daddy, but helped me to realize how lucky I was. And maybe if we hadn't made the mistakes we made, we wouldn't be here together today.
So to Daddy -- I know how much pain this date and everything it means has brought you. But it's still important to me. Not for the obvious reasons, but because twenty years ago today I made a choice that would ultimately lead me to you. This song's for you....Don't Deserve You - Plumb