Friday, July 25, 2014

For Better or Worse

I’m sorry that it’s been so long I’ve posted here. I can’t believe that we’re halfway through summer and that July is nearly over.

I wish I had lots of amazing things to write about, but there’s not a lot to say, and I really don't want to go on and on here about all the health stuff. I saw a doctor last month, started a new medication, and then started another new medication after the first one didn’t go so well. My fibro is in overdrive – my doctor thinks it will get better once the disease goes into remission but it will take a few months for the meds to kick in. Unfortunately for now this means I’m very tired, achey, and forgetful these days.

This month brought some new challenges. Phillip was recently diagnosed with diabetes. He knew it was coming – it’s rampant in the men in his family. His father, grandfathers, uncles. He just hoped that not being overweight and drinking excessively would help keep it at bay for another decade or two. Unfortunately it didn’t and the past few weeks have been overwhelming trying to learn everything about it and get his sugars back in control.

Phillip, who is a bit of a control freak, has been doing absolutely amazing at monitoring his blood sugars and diet and medication to bring it back to normal. It’s me that’s been the overwhelmed mess. I feel like I should do more. New foods…better recipes…whatever it takes to make this easier for him. To make him happy. But there’s just so much and I feel like it’s a struggle to keep up—especially on days where either the meds or the fibro are kicking my butt. Phillip keeps telling me to stop putting all this pressure on myself, but I guess I’m not very good at submitting these days because I still end up worrying that I’m completely failing him.

Thanks to all the health crap this year, there’s been a huge deficit in the kink in our lives. And lately there hasn’t even been much sex. There’s a gazillion medical explanations as to why and I know it’s only temporary, but I’m often I’m afraid I will lose interest and slip back into that frigid girl I was before we began TTWD. Phillip says he won't let that happen, but once again I'm not very good at listening these days.

But despite feeling like crap and worrying way too much, I do have a few things to be grateful for. It was two years ago this month that we began this TTWD journey and it was fifteen years ago last week, that Phillip and I stood in front of our friends and family and committed our lives to each other.  

So to Phillip…Happy Anniversary! I know we started out young and with a baby and all the odds against us, but I can honestly say that here I am a decade and a half later more in love with you than I have ever been. Thanks for being an amazing husband, best friend, and the love of my life…and, of course, my Daddy. Thanks for keeping your promises and always being there and never giving up on me. Love you always and looking forward to brighter healthier days!


  1. Aurora, it is so good to see you here! I've been wondering how you have been.

    Sorry to hear about the health troubles, new and continuing!!!

    I can understand why you feel like you are failing him, but he's right you need to stop that! Just do what you can because that is more than enough. I know it is unlikely that you will be able to stop stressing (about any of it), but try to minimize it, okay? Write some more...we don't care what you talk about!


  2. So glad to see you post Aurora. I've been thinking about you. I'm so sorry to hear about the health issues you are both dealing with. Sending positive thoughts and prayers. I agree with Misty. Phillip is right, you need to stop putting the pressure on yourself, or at least try to minimalise it.

    Wishing you both a belated Happy Anniversary! Such lovely words to Phillip :)


  3. You are stronger than you think & your Charming is scrappy. You will both get thru this just fine.

    Just keep communicating (your frustrations too) with him and take it one day at a time. And don't forget stress feeds the fibro ... so try not to stress yourself out too much!!! And remember to enjoy the little things!

    (and yes I owe you an email!!!)

    (((hugs to you both)))

  4. we started out young and with a baby too - and it's 15 married years for us this year as well! Many congrats! xx

  5. I needed to see this post...and I can't tell you how happy it makes me that is was from you! So glad to see how things are going each time you make it around.

    Happy Anniversary to you both!!

    XOXO Pearl

  6. Hello Aurora! I've been MIA in blogland and am trying to get back with it. Of course yours is one of the blogs that I've been wanting to visit. I've really been wondering how you're doing. Hang in there. I'm sorry that both you and Phillip are having to deal with diagnoses. It sounds like Phillip is really going to do what he needs to do to stay on top of his diabetes and not let it wreck his health. I hate that you're having to struggle so much with your health. And I have no doubt that you are not failing Phillip in any way. Hang in there and happy anniversary to both of you!

  7. I'm one lucky man! I love you!