When I was a little girl, the thing I most looked forward to about being married was never having to sleep alone. The dark seemed a lot less scary if you had someone by your side.
And then I grew up, got married, and found myself sleeping alone.
For the majority of our marriage, Daddy has worked nights. Every evening after I put the kids to bed, we'd have about half an hour together alone (if we were lucky) and then I'd kiss him goodbye until the next morning. And although we did get more time on Daddy's nights off, he still kept to a stay up all night/sleep during the day schedule because it was too hard to keep switching sleep.
Now sleeping alone does have a few advantages. You can really spread out by yourself in a queen sized bed, and it's nice not having to share covers. But I think that's what I would tell myself so I'd feel better. The reality is that not having Daddy home every night has really sucked.
In the beginning, Daddy working nights was best for our family. It was more money and more flexibility with childcare. But as the years have passed, it's gotten harder and harder, and Daddy's been trying hard to find something with a better schedule for a long time.
Last Thursday night, the call I've been waiting years for finally came. About a month ago, Daddy was approached about a possible promotion that would mean a normal M-F day schedule. It's been several weeks of rumors, odd e-mails, an interview, and more rumors. But the phone call brought that all to an end when Daddy called to tell me he started the new job on Monday. I'm sure the neighbors heard my screaming.
This is a huge change for us. Neither of our children can remember Daddy not working nights. My oldest daughter can't stop talking about how nice it is to finally have a "normal family". It seems like every other minute I'm thinking of something we no longer have to stress or worry about because of Daddy's schedule.
It's been a whirlwind around here since the phone call. I was gone for the weekend and missed Daddy like crazy. And when I came home, there was an incredible amount of stuff to do to get ready for his first day. And Daddy's been struggling to turn his nights into days.
Before the phone call, things slightly shifted between us that led me to a very vulnerable place. Because of the emotions, he was less Dom and more Daddy. And now because his priority has to be learning his new job and adjusting to the new schedule, he's a lot less Daddy too.
He's asked me to be patient. We'll get through this. I know that. I trust that. He needs my submission right now even if he can't be very dominant. I'm doing my best to show that -- getting up early to make his breakfast and lunch, having dinner ready when he comes home, not whining because he's too tired to do anything. I'm keeping to his rules and expectation, even though deep down I believe he wouldn't notice right now if I didn't. I'm keeping the brat inside me in check because I know he hates brattiness.
But there's still this little petulant child in me silently screaming for his attention. She's tempting me to break the rules, to throw a fit, to do anything to prove that he still cares.
So here I am, trying to be strong. Trying to not let the kid in me take over. I know in a few days or weeks, I will have the Dom and the Daddy back. Probably more than ever since we'll have more time together.
I know soon it will all be more than worth it. I just need to get through the now.